I Was Supposed To Be Doing My Homework...

This has been a helluva week for South Africans - first Winnie Madikizela Mandela's fuck-awesome "interview" (alleged says she) where she dissed everyone from Madiba to Ghandi. That, my dear friends is BALLS. She has oodles of chutzpah. And I think it's important that we stop this idolisation of Mandela - he's a man, he did great work in helping to unite South Africa, yes and he's awesome for not wanting to wreak havoc on the white population of South Africa (although his reasons for that might not necessarily be based on altruism alone, ya'll, the economic factors involved in that demands a functioning and economically vibrant white community), but he's a mna with faults, with foibles, who has been thrice married - that's not a great sign ya'll.

Soon enough we're going to call South Africa Mandela-Land. We have Mandela Square, Mandela Bridge, Nelson Mandela Metropolitan Area, Mandela streets GALORE. I swear, McDonald's is going to give us the McMadiba burger. And that shit will be sold world wide. Oprah's probably first in line for it (you know how she loves the food). What I'm trying to say is that when he dies, shit is going to come out about him, and we're going to have so many people that are disappointed because they've been sold this image of a man who can do no wrong, when at this point, he's probably half cuckoo (he's 92 or something this year) and doesn't remember his wife's name. Guys, it's just the way life goes *cue Janet Jackson*.

So freaking disappointed in Jub Jub the SA hip hop dude who killed 4 kids in a drag racing massacre. He was drunk and strung out on coke at 4pm in the afternoon. WHO DOES THAT? I mean, I can't even joke about that asshat. Although Mini-Cooper might look into banning South African celebs from buying their cars. Mandoza, Jub Jub... they all have Mini's in common. Which leads me to my next question - why are grown-ass men driving Mini Coopers? Yes, It's a CHICK car! I don't give a shit about how fast it goes (although, clearly some drunkards do)

English NHS FAIL: This is Hilarible - Horrible and HILARIOUS. This lady was treated for gout and IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) for 9 MONTHS meanwhile, bitch was preggo! LOL. Shem

On a happier note... THE ECLIPSE TRAILER CAME OUT AND I AM ALL A-SQUEE!
What do we have to look forward to? GRATUITOUS SHIRTLESSNESS! AWESOME VAMPIRE DECAPITATION! FUTILE VAMPIRE FOREPLAY! A GREAT INDIE SOUNDTRACK! What we aren't looking forward to: RPattz's lack of diction. Taylor Lautner's failtastic acting (I don't know if you can even call it that.) KStew's wig (it looks like something left over from one of Beyonce's old weaves) Bryce Dallace Howard taking over the role of Victoria when Rachelle Lefevre was obviously the boss bitch. I mean look at this fierce bitch. Bryce looks like someone's mom. All I can say though, is that after the 30th of June, make sure to take seat protectors to the movies... because there is going to be a lot of teen-splooge on those seats and you don't want to catch anything Twilight related.

Also VERY EXCITED about the Gaga video for Telephone ft Beyonce. YAYS *screams* it's all kind of fierceness. If you want to watch 9 minutes of awesome click here OMG SHE SHOWS US HER FUCKING VAGINA!

I can't say this has been the best week, it's been sad, it's been hard, it's been so fucking hot, I melted into a pile of goo. Yet I've had so much fun: Miss Lebanon was better than Miss South Africa, by FAR! And I got to read poetry and eat chocolate, so it hasn't failed too badly.

I got some new music to listen to: The Strokes ft Regina Spektor: Modern Girls & Old Fashioned Men. Try it out.

Okay be more awesome, all of you.

Happy Valentines Day, you know, if you're into that kinda stuff

I can remember the first Valentine's Day I had at High School. I was awkward, fat and had these long dreadlocks that made me look like really stupid. Yes, High School was not a good time. Roses were given out, forfeits were had and a general whoop was had by all. *YAYS BOYS LIKE US OMG*

Speaking of Valentine's Day, or give each other Venereal Disease Day, the ensemble movie came out yesterday. You know, where they throw lots of celebrities and you with old music and everyone with a vagina comes out of the theatre feeling sad about their love life in general, add wine and you have a wail fest on your hands? Yup. It's one of those, with greasy Native American jailbait to wet the panties of the twi-brigade. Speaking of panties that have been whetted apparently our favourite dirty white boy Robert Pattinson doesn't like Valentine's Day. Oh the joy I felt when I heard this news.

You, dear Pattzy have sold your soul to the demon of wet pubescent panties and romance, by playing a sexually frustrated sparklespire.You gave up any sort of credibility when you did that, sexy face. Valentine's Day will now be the day that you stay indoors because you WILL be raped on the streets of London/Los Angeles if you dare to venture outside. Actually, please do. I'm in desperate need of a laugh. I hope she weighs 17 stone and is someone's mom. LOL.

Google Buzz is apparently the new big brother.Beware folks, people can see your inbox, your google chat conversations and all sorts of privacy invasions. Which is cool if you're making your ex-boyfriend jealous with your flourishing love life. Not so much when said ex-boyfriend wants to eat your eyeballs (again, turn off your gmail Pattzy). The IPAD has also generated a lot of buzz,mostly for sounding like a personal hygiene product. I'm still waiting for a good menstruation joke, guys, and not one that says that you can't trust women blah blah that shit is played out. Apple, I expected more from you. Steve Jobs, you're a man. Anything to do with a vagina that doesn't involve sex should squick you out. You are officially on a cool warning. I am putting you on notice.

Also, be more awesome all of you.

Damaged Goods and the Feminine Psyche

This year, is the year of getting in too fucking deep. It's the year of "OMG I can't believe I did that, was I drunk?" I am turning 21 and if i don't act out soon, I'm not going to have youth as an excuse for ridiculous behaviour. Therefore, I shall have a "Bucket List" of sorts. "Things I will do by age 25" and as I do them, I will blog. There will be blood. And photography. And so with no further explainations:

Things I will do by age 25

1. Have a cigarette in front of my mother
2. Have an alcoholic beverage in a non-social setting in front of my mother
3. Give good face, like Robert Pattinson.
4. Eat something disgusting and not comment immediately on how FRIKKIN gross it was
5. Drink myself unconscious. With cheap vodka.
6. Drink Peach Mampoer
7. Eat that Spanish Maggot Cheese
8. Eat Testicles(cooked)
9. Dance on a bar top (see point 5 above)
10. Convince someone to have a menage a trois, but then bitch out like Gossip Girl (GAH!)
11. Dance the Paso Doble
12. Write a novel
13. Get on Oprah (this is really pressing, shit!)
14. Go to a premiere that I'm invited to and be drunk and disorderly (see points 9 and 5)
15. Get strip searched at the airport.
16. Dance the Single Ladies dance all the way through without stopping or fucking up the 2nd verse.
17. Smoke DBN poison and not have my eyes roll back in my head (long story, suffice to say FUCK YOU TEGAN!)
18. Contiki with a good friend
19. Do unspeakable things to others on Contiki (things of which we do not speak)
20. Have a Sugar Daddy and TOTES NOT DELIVER THE GOODS *insertevillaughhere*

Speaking of Sugar Daddies, Jacob Zuma had his 20th child. You know a man's a pimp when he has more kids that Jacob. The Biblical one, not Jacobwolf. I say MAZEL TOV!

Also also: Grammy's this weekend, I don't know if I have it in me to watch. Suffice to say, GO TAYLOR SWIFT, GO BEYONCE!!! All the rest of you, I download your music, and I really don't give two hoots if you win.

My mother took my sister and I shopping, and I bought "I am a sexy bitch heels" and bridal underwear. I promise I didnt know it was bridal, I just thought "ooooohhhh pretty!" and it makes my puppies look like I got a really, really good boob job, like they don't look cock-eyed at all (ha ha, I said "cock"), je promise. My sister went ahead and got the most gorgeous clothes, to which I say "I POO POO THE TATTOO", because I am fat and am not desirous of shopping for clothes.

JOB SEARCH AHOY!! I am looking for gainful employment because my mother feels that my taking 6 months of and doing nothing is not good for me. I beg to differ. A LOT. I think that 6 months spent getting thin and writing creatively everyday is AWESOME. I would feel exactly like a "Struggling Artist", I need to prepare for my post-graduate life by indulging in inordinate amounts of self-pity with just a splish splash of self- aggrandisement. Oh, I shall damn it all! I SHALL. Enough with the CAPSLOCK. I am off, to write the next Twilight, and make obscene amounts of cash. You know, so that I can sexually harrass the male lead of the movie of my book. Oh HUSH you KNOW Stephanie Meyer does.