Are you sure you want to eat that?

This has been an interesting two weeks, mostly because the those Twilight stills of Edward and Bella's futile foreplay have been released (heh, the only thing "released" by those two) which brought me great, great joy. Mostly because I'm stoked to watch Eclipse. It's the best of the books (ZOMG A PLOT YOU GUYS!) and I personally think she should have just ended it there, and spare us the clusterfuck that is Breaking Dawn. Okay, I have to admit, Breaking Dawn was LOLARIOUS and awesome in its crackpot science

(okay so this 108 yr old DEAD guy, who hasn't got blood or bodily fluids except for venom and cyrogenically frozen sperm manages to knock up an 18 yr old with a super-fast-growing zombie baby that can talk in a week and its name is Renesmee. So he has NO BLOOD AND CAN STILL ACHIEVE AN ERECTION? How is this possible?)

But I digress. So I'm so freaking excited about the trailer.Which you can only watch if you go and check out Robert Pattinson (OH HAVE I GOT A STORY FOR YOU!) in Remember Me, which is like Twilight, except the they have sex and he's not dead. Wait he's also a "rebel" OMG LIKE WATCH HIM SMOKE IN THE NON SMOKING AREA YOU BAD BOY! Oh my gosh, I'm sorry rich, white boy. Your life is so HARRRRD. No one ~UNDERSTANDS~ you. So rebel against all that you know and get with that pretty, underprivileged girl and let her "bring you to life, ZOMG I LUFF YOU, *sob* HO SHIT SPOILER HE DIES!!!

Yeah, I did it. I did it here. In Johannesburg, South Africa.
Rob Pattinson also said "Negro" which is funny because the whole John Mayer, "white boy trying to be witty and say racist shit" thing JUST happened. But it only mattered because black people listen to John Mayer's music. Pattzy is juuuust the dirty white boy. (the more pictures I see of this guy, the more I laugh, STOP POUTING PATTZY! JUST STOP IT!)

Now, let me leave my love-hate relationship with all things Twilight and Robert Pattinson and focus on the amazeballsness (yes its a fucking word) of "It's Complicated" with Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin. It was so funny and cute. And mildy disturbing watching old people have sex. I kinda barfed up my Whispers in my mouth. All I could think was: "OMG divorced people having sex. Please God do not let this happen with my parents, I have only JUST gotten over walking in on my step-mum and dad doing the nasty. I don't think I'd cope with my mum and dad even holding hands." Uh, yeah. Steve Martin was really funny in this too! And so cute. I felt so sorry for his character when he had to see Baldwin's penis. I also would scream in shock, horror and dismay.

ALSO: TSUNAMI!!! EARTHQUAKE!! It's Natural Disaster 2: Haiti Reloaded. Except the sequel is set in Chile. Where more poor, brown people die. Also Tsunamis all over the Pacific. Guys 2012 is coming true. Not the Olympics. The Apocalypse. Which is pretty cool, because that means that we won't have to see pics of Hilary Duff giving her fiance jollies ever again. I usually don't like to use invasive paparazzi pictures, BUT this was too funny. DRAW THE CURTAINS NEXT TIME. Look at his FACE! LOL LOL LOL. Hils, YOU ARE MY HERO!

hee hee